child loss · children · grieving loss of child · little boys · pregnancy

Made It

I have made it to my own personal breathing spot in this pregnancy. I still cannot give a full “breath of relief”, but I can let myself finally start to prepare for the arrival for our baby. This is crunch time for me. I have about 8 weeks until we will be bringing our little boy home. We have a lot to do, but we will have it finished in time. I still remember when we passed the 30 week mark with Heidi and the lady at the furniture store looked at me like I had one eye when she found out how long I had waited to order furniture. I have learned not to worry about other people and their time lines during pregnancy. You have to do what makes you feel comfortable and what works for you, it is the only way to get through the situations that are difficult for you.

So what do we have left to do you might ask? EVERYTHING. We are doing a little bit of room rearranging in our house, but in all reality the bed situation is not something I am too concerned about because Heidi still sleeps in our bed and this little bundle will be sleeping in our room as well. I am too paranoid not to have my babies safe next to me. I am still trying to figure out the logistics, but I think we will have the pack-n-play next to my side of the bed. With Heidi petrified of Swipper and these little invisible mice running around {which I found out was from watching Super Why – the episode with the rice cake eating mice} she is no where near sleeping in her room full time. She did try it a couple of nights this week. To be honest I don’t mind that she sleeps in our bed. I sleep better knowing she is safe snuggled up next to me, even if I might not sleep at all.

This weekend I plan on washing and going through our hand-me-downs clothes getting them all set up in drawers and the closet. I also have to figure out possible outfits for the little one. I was calculating the 38 week mark which is the last weekend of March – also Easter. I am a little sad that I might miss out Heidi’s Easter, but I know it will all work out in the end. I had mentioned this to John and how I wanted to maybe see if we could wait until that Monday, but he didn’t see the point in that. After thinking about it a couple of days I know why he does not want me to wait. He has tickets to the Masters, well at least the practice rounds that week. I am on to your game there dear husband!!

I still have a feeling that this baby {who, by the way is possibly weighing in at 3lbs 7ozs} could possibly come on his own a little bit early and St. Patrick’s Day is near that time, so I might need to have something for that as well! So many different scenarios.

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