burying a child · child loss · grief · grieving loss of child · memories · pregnancy · remembering · stillbirth · stillborn · struggles · support

September – Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

I’m joining this month in the Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope writing challenge.

This month the question is:

How has the changing of seasons (from summer to fall) impacted you in your grief journey?
Seasons? What are seasons? We only have chilly, hot, and HOT here in south Georgia :). I would say though, through this season of life, my grief is in a good place right now. I know that having Heidi here has definitely helped so much in my devastation over Hudson. I cannot describe it. She has in no way replaced him, but sometimes I feel like he is here because she is here. Does that sound crazy? I guess because until we are in Heaven she’s the closest thing I will have to having him here. Last year I had a project to focus on, so my grief wasn’t being dealt with all the way. I shoved it in a little corner while I occupied myself with building – actually at this time a year ago exactly I was yelling at the mortgage company because we should have been in our house the day before and they were still asking us for more information; or maybe John and I were headed to the lawyers to sign a power of attorney for me to be able to close on the house. Regardless I had my hands full of moving.

So, its been a year in our house and 20 months since we last saw Hudson. Twenty months ago I was a completely different person. The memories of that very day are still as vivid as ever. I think that God allows you to keep some memories in your heart forever – maybe for comfort. I guess its different as the season changes because so does my heart. Now its “easier” to think of Hudson without so much sadness. Whether it is from God, Heidi or time, something has helped my heart to heal.

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