Yes, I am aware the blogs are becoming few and far between. I am still learning to balance my time. I get up in the night with Heidi still, usually about once for a feeding and diaper change. Then its morning time and we have to get ready to go to work and Grandma’s house (or if John is home Heidi stays home with him!). Next I am at work for approximately 8 hours and if I have any errands (oil changes, new tires, etc) I have to do it in my lunch time – so not too many lunches out with friends anymore! Next I either come home and hang out with the family or go pick Heidi up from Grandma’s. Then its try and cook dinner and put Heidi to bed – by then I am exhausted and its time to straighten out the house and get everything ready to repeat the day all over again. Its my new life and I am loving it. I will say there are moments when I am not loving it. I am no longer able to have much of an outlet right now – as in no longer able to blog much at this moment or have my girls lunches (I forgot to mention – I go to my mom’s house for lunch to nurse Heidi when she is there).
Have you ever noticed that everything with children always seems to fall on the mom? I have to worry about where Heidi will be if I need to do anything. I have to make sure there is enough milk pumped and if not, well, then too bad. Kidding, we have some frozen stocked up. John has been a fantastic husband and father. He wakes up with her each morning and plays with her while I take a shower. If she needs a bath he’ll give her a bath and dress her; sometimes her clothes are too big, but its one less thing I have to do while I am trying to get myself up for the day. Sometimes I get a little jealous that he is still allowed his outlets right now. I know eventually mine will fall back into schedule – like right now while Heidi is napping. Instead of blogging I should really be doing something productive like continuing to organize the garage or organize her closet. I am sad we missed church, but she needed a nap. I will have to watch it online 🙂 Then, after feeling jealous I feel guilty for being jealous. Its not his fault he can stay up later and play his video game and that I am completely exhausted after a long day. I also wanted this little baby so badly – and it sometimes frustrates me that I can’t do something I enjoy without (1) sacrificing time with Heidi that I LOVE (2) feeling guilty that I want to do something just myself (3) feeling jealous that others can do what they want.
Like I said – this will all work itself out and soon I will be back to doing other things I love to do. I truly love being Heidi’s mom and everything that comes with the territory. I could not imagine a single day passing without her here. Her sweet smiles, her little laughs, the way she plays…its all worth everything John and I have been through the past year and a half. Sometimes its just frustrating with everything that goes on in my head and not being able to write them to get them out 🙂