Today I was able to talk with my specialist – regarding the GD testing. I let him know that I failed the first test and he wanted to talk with me about it after I took a few of his labs – regarding a few other issues with my body. Dr. O is a little concerned about me failing the first GD test while being on metformin – a concern I have as well. He, as well as some other doctors, feel that the baseline is too high on the GD test in the first place and that more needs to be done. He told me that there is more to this insulin resistance than we are giving credit to. Recently he had a patient that lost her baby at 36 weeks and the placenta came back as showing insulin resistance. This woman failed her first GD testing as well. The only comfort I feel is that I am on metformin and we are working to do something about my issue because we already know about it.
On Monday I go to his office to learn how to check my glucose levels twice a day – by pricking my finger. I will have to check once right when I wake up and then alternate meals each day. One day breakfast, the next day lunch, the next dinner, and so on. I have increased my exercising and I am watching even more closely what I am eating. No more slip ups or allowing for junk…kind of hard when you have already been watching yourself so closely.
I have been feeling great the past few weeks – that nothing devastating is going to happen. With this I feel right back to where I felt months ago. I thought that being so close to 30 weeks was scary, but now its just outright scary being pregnant. I hear stories of people being scared about the birthing process and having the children once they are home, but have you ever heard of someone scared of being pregnant? I am ready for the birth – been there and experienced the worst possible birthing experience. I am ready to bring BG home – at least she will be there and I can see what is going on!
At this moment I want to stop planning and preparing for her arrival. I just want the next 13 (or less) weeks to pass on quickly and her to be here. I don’t want to listen to everyone’s “it’s going to be fine” stories because the truth is they don’t know that and there is always doubt in those voices. Truthfully I don’t want to talk to anyone about it because there is not anyone here that knows what I am going through or knows how this feels. I am surrounded by friends and family with perfectly healthy children and here I sit scared of being pregnant. It’s really not fair to have to go through the thought of losing another child. In general its not fair for anyone to have to lose a child at all. I plan on being a hermit the next 13 weeks – so if you don’t hear from me (as in locally – I will still be blogging) don’t take offense. I just want to live in a bubble for a little while.