Last year I prepared for Hudson to be here this Christmas. I bought a ceramic plate and mug set for Santa’s cookies and milk; ornaments for the tree in his nursery…so many things for our little one. I imagined what it would be like to be able to buy gifts for our child and how he would be during Christmas – I couldn’t wait to see his eyes light up and stare at the Christmas tree lights. I purchased the “Elf on a Shelf” to start a new family Christmas tradition….so many plans that have been postponed and that I must save for our next child. Who knew that 21 days after Christmas I would be giving birth to my son who had already gone to Heaven.
I remember on my list of “wants” for Christmas one thing in particular was the “Parents-to-be” ornament from Hallmark. I just HAD to have it. I absolutely LOVE ornaments; the stories they tell; and the memories that unfold as you put each one onto the tree. John was so sorry, but he wasn’t able to find the ornament anywhere – you know how fast they sell out! Well, what a surprise when I opened up my stocking from my parents and there was the ornament! It was a document – stating that we were about to become parents.
We decorated our tree last night (on a side note – while everyone else in Savannah was running from the storms and tornadoes we were out buying a tree) and I came to the coveted ornament. I didn’t know what to do – put it on the tree? put it in Hudson’s chest? Hudson made us a mom and dad, but we won’t be parents until 2010. I decided on putting the ornament up because it is part of my story. It is part of the timeline that goes along with my tree. John and I are still looking for the “perfect” Hudson ornament for this year and we will find it – we just haven’t found one that sticks out.
Christmas is definitely a time when I miss Hudson the most. I love everything about Christmas – the story of Jesus, the trees, decorating, the music – everything! I wanted to be able to share this love and pass it along to our little one – it just looks as though I will have to wait one more to do that….