burying a child · child loss · children · console · grief · grieving loss of child · remembering · stillbirth · stillborn · stress · struggles · support · tired

A break…

So some of you readers have probably noticed I have taken a break from my daily blog posting. There is a reason for that and I am still trying to put my finger on what is going on in my life. John and I are still going to the fertility doctor to get me “fixed” and I think it’s beginning to take a toll on me. I am assuming that I am getting impatient, not because I am ready to have more children, but more so because I still do not have my answers to what is happening with my body. Last week I had a biopsy of my endometrian and tomorrow John and I go back to go over results of the tests we have taken the past month. I believe there will be 2 different appointments because there are so many tests that were taken.

I have started venturing to blogs that are more on my path – ones that are composed by women that still do not have any children with them. I do read the blogs that I am already following because I like keeping up with those amazing women. I want to see that there is hope for me in these other women that are still having a hard time with having a living breathing healthy child – some of them just had their babies after facing so many tough years with loss. I know that hope is not lost on me, but I am just ready to find out what my options are and why my body is broken. I still to this day do not understand why my body didn’t cooperate. I live such a healthy lifestyle – and still I see women doing the “wrong” things while pregnant and they have happy results. It’s is so utterly frustrating.

So I am stuck in this rut – not knowing what I am doing and just falling through the motions of what we call life. Everyday I feel I am searching for myself and who I am supposed to be as I face new challenges. I am putting forth effort in all that I do – trying to occupy my time with something other than wallowing in my own self pity. Building a house, soon moving into a house, class reunion planning, teaching dance, taking dance lessons….nothing is satisfying. Who knows where this blog may end up going – so for those of you that read just bear with me on my “blog for the weary and tired”.

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5 thoughts on “A break…

  1. I am at a lost for words and couldn't imagine being in your shoes. Grant lost his sister ten years ago and we all deal with it and his mom has never been the same. HOwever, it has made her a different person, maybe even a better person. I will pray that continue to seek answers from our heavenly father and come to a peace and understanding. Love you girl!

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