So some of you readers have probably noticed I have taken a break from my daily blog posting. There is a reason for that and I am still trying to put my finger on what is going on in my life. John and I are still going to the fertility doctor to get me “fixed” and I think it’s beginning to take a toll on me. I am assuming that I am getting impatient, not because I am ready to have more children, but more so because I still do not have my answers to what is happening with my body. Last week I had a biopsy of my endometrian and tomorrow John and I go back to go over results of the tests we have taken the past month. I believe there will be 2 different appointments because there are so many tests that were taken.
I have started venturing to blogs that are more on my path – ones that are composed by women that still do not have any children with them. I do read the blogs that I am already following because I like keeping up with those amazing women. I want to see that there is hope for me in these other women that are still having a hard time with having a living breathing healthy child – some of them just had their babies after facing so many tough years with loss. I know that hope is not lost on me, but I am just ready to find out what my options are and why my body is broken. I still to this day do not understand why my body didn’t cooperate. I live such a healthy lifestyle – and still I see women doing the “wrong” things while pregnant and they have happy results. It’s is so utterly frustrating.
So I am stuck in this rut – not knowing what I am doing and just falling through the motions of what we call life. Everyday I feel I am searching for myself and who I am supposed to be as I face new challenges. I am putting forth effort in all that I do – trying to occupy my time with something other than wallowing in my own self pity. Building a house, soon moving into a house, class reunion planning, teaching dance, taking dance lessons….nothing is satisfying. Who knows where this blog may end up going – so for those of you that read just bear with me on my “blog for the weary and tired”.