This week, we are sharing about the effect our loss(es) had on our children. If you did not have children at the time of your loss, we are also sharing about subsequent pregnancies (after the loss). If you have not had a pregnancy following the loss, yet, you may share your feelings about facing your next pregnancy.
I fall under the “facing your next pregnancy” column. Currently John and I are seeing a fertility doctor. I do not like to refer to our new doctor as that, but that is what he is called. We are seeing him to find out answers of why this could of happened and what we can do to prevent this from happening the next times. I already know that I will be a basket-case during our next pregnancy. I already had so much anxiety with Hudson because it was a new experience and I couldn’t relate to anyone because pregnancy is so different for each woman. Now that I have experienced my greatest fear I am no longer afraid. I know that John and I can face whatever comes our way through this experience and we will face what happens in the future.
Am I looking forward to being pregnant again? Absolutely – I can not wait, but I am waiting. I am waiting to find out why my body did what it did and I am waiting for God’s timing. Last time we waited for God’s timing to be pregnant and I know that it will happen again. We have been so blessed by Hudson and we, as well as so many others, have changed by knowing him. I do know that I will probably go to the doctor weekly while pregnant, request more ultrasounds, and things like that, but I know they will be nurturing to my needs. I will probably also rent one of those heart monitors – I have heard that women like me can rent them for free somewhere.
I also know that I will be able to enjoy my pregnancy more than anyone else I know; having experienced losing Hudson. I will be able to cherish the memories and precious moments to a higher level. Of course I do will many of the same things – monthly e-mails and belly pictures to friends and family, maternity pictures, and have the scrapbook set and ready to go! It will be a fun time – when it’s meant to happen.