I have joined a group of women in reading a book titled In Faithfulness: He Afflicted Me by Lynette Kraft (to visit her blog click here). In this group Holly, the creator, asks questions from the book and we answer using our own life examples of how we felt.
I am late in joining in this group because I went on vacation for a week and didn’t have the book yet. The book arrived at my house while I was away. So – I have a little bit of catching up to do! The first part given to discuss was the Introduction and Prologue.
Have there been times in your life that God has shown you that He cares or that He is near? There have been plenty of times when God has shown Himself to me – that He cares and is near. Not only during with Hudson, but on many aspects of my life. God definitely knows me and knows how to “prepare” me for situations. He always has given me an insight or an intuition when something is about to happen. Some occurrences – job losses (me & John) and Hudson to name a few.
If you are married, what was your marriage like in the beginning?
John and I dated for almost 5 years before we were engaged, then a year of engagement and then we got married. Our journey began in 2001 as two young 19 year olds trying to find our way in life. We were married at 25 and we thought we had already been through everything; we had “grown up” in during our dating years and knew that we would be together forever. We were already as strong as we were going to get – or so we thought. We were married on July 21, 2007 and spent a week long honeymoon in St. Lucia. The day we got back to our lives and back to work was the first day that tested us. John went into work and came home an hour later stating he had been fired. Wow, only newlyweds for a week and already we were being tested. So, what did we do? We laughed about it. We searched for job openings for a few hours and then I called home and asked my mom if she was serious about John and I moving in with them; she had made a comment about that a few weeks before we were married that we should move in with them to save money. Well, she said yes and we moved into my old bedroom. We are still in the beginning of our marriage and yet we have been through more than any of my friends and family members – job loss for both of us at some point and the loss of our precious Hudson. We definitely know that the best is yet to come and truly know now that we have become so much stronger than ever – and that having experienced life the past 2 years we know we can get through anything else that is thrown at us.
When did you first decide you wanted to have children? Was it planned or unplanned?
John and I always talked about having children – even when we were dating. Both of us wanted to have children in our lives. Having children became more of a reality once we were married. We knew that we wanted to be financially stable and secure before having children. Never in my life have I been on birth control so it was not a shock when after a year of being married we became pregnant. We chose the “let things happen when they happen” method and just let things happen without trying. I didn’t want to put pressure on us to “try” because I knew that would be an obsession. When it did happen it was a pleasant surprise (we did discuss that if it didn’t happen before the fall ’08 we would put a more active attempt to it) that we were having our first child.
What feelings did you have for your child when you first found out you were pregnant?
When I first found out I was pregnant I was so excited – running around waiting for John to get off. I didn’t walk anywhere – I skipped. I was already in love with what was growing inside of me. Within that one instant of seeing the positive test I no longer felt sick like I had all day, but full of energy and excitement. I already started planning how to tell everyone, names, etc within only 2 hours of knowing.
At what point in your life did you start searching for God?
This is tough because I am still searching – everyday. I have always been a believer, I excepted Jesus in my heart over 20 years ago; never have I doubted or questioned God. I guess you could say I had always been a cookie cutter Christian. Not one that reached out and proclaimed the name of Jesus, but not one to question God either. I never had a reason to – nothing in my life ever gave me a challenge to want more from God, until Hudson came into my life. More so until Hudson’s life ended and my heart became this vulnerable object. I started experiencing so many new emotions and have put so much more into seeking God and His will for me. I guess until I had to “walk the walk” of a Christian I never went above and beyond the call.
Has there been a time in your life that God provided?
God has provided so much in my life – specifically when John lost his job and we were scared and worried about what to do.
Do you have a funny experience to share? What are some of the silly or stupid things you did? None…John and I haven’t had a chance to, yet.
Has there been a time in your life that you felt the world was falling apart?
For sure – January our little Hudson died, March I lost my job…..you could say I was thinking, “what next, what next”. I lived waiting for the next thing to happen…
Has God ever worked a miracle in your life or in the life of someone you know?
I have read of plenty of miracles, but as far as experiencing any firsthand I can’t say that I remember any at the moment…maybe the time when I was 7 I was hit in the head with a metal baseball bat and had it been a hair to the left I would have died or a hair to the right I would have been blinded.
How has difficult times affected your marriage?
What John and I have experienced has only made us stronger. I cannot remember the last fight or argument we really had – one with meaning. Yes, of course there are little spats and disagreements, but not over anything important. Then again, our sense of importance has changed the past few months as well.
What fears have you struggled with?
I always had a fear of when it was about to be my time for children. I have always sensed that I would have difficulty in having children – my intuition kicking in. My biggest fear was losing a child and now my biggest fear is going through everything again. The question I ask myself is “will I ever having a living child outside of my womb?”. It has already happened once and I am told by many people that it can’t happen to me again, it just can’t. The truth is I know it can – it happened once therefore it can happen again.
Do you feel that God has a plan for your life?
Yes – what the plan is I have no idea. I guess you could say I am just living by faith and trusting in God. I used to have a plan for everything. Before even getting pregnant I had my list of people to send baby announcements. I don’t like to go into something without having a plan for something. Now? I just live and try to plan for a few vacations here and there =)
What has been the hardest moment of your life so far?
I would have to say moments – seeing my lifeless child on the tv screen, giving birth to a child I would not get to know this side of Heaven, burying my child and leaving him alone in a cold cemetery….