This weekend I met up to eat dinner for my friend Toni’s birthday. It was so nice to get out and hang out with a few old friends. I rarely get out for things like that – usually it’s only work or long-term planned commitments that I have planned. Sometimes it’s hard to go out of the safety net of my room. In the room I am not faced with other happy women and their children – I don’t have to put on my best happy face. Slowly I am trying to make sure I am not just sitting by myself feeling sorry for my self, but sometimes that’s just the most comfortable thing to do. I’m not faced with the “so, do you have any children” question from various new people and I’m not faced with “the look” of someone who desperately wants to ask me how I am. Luckily for me I have such an amazing group of friends and they just automatically ask how I am and really want to know how I am and where I am in my grief with missing Hudson. One day I will be back to my social self, but for now this is the self and I am will be for awhile….