bachelorette party · grief · grieving loss of child · Hudson · stillbirth · stillborn

Could you Imagine?

This past weekend I had a bachelorette party to go to. John went to the bachelor party for the same couple as well. Mine wasn’t too far away – about 45 minutes and it was on the beach, so I was looking forward to relaxing and having a girl’s weekend. I had a great time, but there were some weird moments…

During the first part of the weekend one of the girls kept talking about kids – fine no problem. I didn’t want to make these new friends uncomfortable (I knew 2 girls and then 3 were girls I had never met before) so I did not say anything about having Hudson. Well, at one point she was talking about her sister-in-law and how when their baby was born he was rushed away and had to have all kinds of tests and was at a different hospital. During the story her exact words were, “could you imagine giving birth and then having your baby taken right away from you?”. I had to bite my tongue – I wanted to say, yes I know exactly what that’s like, but at least their baby was alive and they would get to keep their baby unlike me. Instead I just sat there not saying a word.

Later that night we went to eat – some yummy seafood – and we were talking about oysters and I mentioned something that we had an oyster roast for my sister’s birthday and I didn’t eat any. Well, my friend asked if I ate oysters or if I just didn’t eat them because I couldn’t at the time. I told her I didn’t like them, but that I stayed away from seafood the whole time. One of the girls asked if I as pregnant and I said no, I was. She looked really confused – as did the rest of the table, so I told them the story and told them not to feel sad, that I am ok and I believe that God has a plan for my life. I am actually grateful that my friend sort of approached the subject and I was finally able to get it all out and they all would know about Hudson. Sometimes I don’t know how to bring him up because as much as I enjoy talking about him it makes others uncomfortable.

The rest of the weekend was fun as well – we went to the beach, laid by the pool, and then went out for the night. I remained the sober sister with my friend the DD and danced the night away. I forgot how disgusting bars could be though…girls throwing themselves at guys with the booty shaking dance moves, girl on girl dancing, and barefooted woman running rampant.

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